Sometimes I stop and wonder, if I wasn't facing the challenges I am today, who would I be? Would I be more giving, would I do more and be more? In my heart I want to do so many things but I have to determine where to place my "spoons" spoon theory here. (summary when you live with a chronic condition, you start the day out with so many spoons and you have to decide where to use them, where as when you are healthy you have unlimited number of spoons to use in the day)
Would I be a morning person? What is holding me back, my illness or the fear to embrace my inner light and potential.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of [a powerful] God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” -Marianne Williamson
Thinking about that I used to scoff, and think but who is afraid to be awesome, everyone wants to be awesome... But as I have grown in wisdom and years I realized that I do fear my light, sure I let it glimmer but to let it become an unstoppable bonfire is a little unnerving. WHY?? If I let my light shine, that opens doors for change, and I'm not sure I want change or responsibility. I am comfortable being in that place where light turns to shadow, where I can make a difference but I am not giving my all, or everything. Even as I am raising money to improve lives and lower the opportunity for rape in India, I am scared.. scared of failure or scared it will be a success and develop into a bigger part of my life and reshape who I am.
Am I shaped by my challenges? yes, I grow and develop as I muddle through life, but would I still be me, if I was faced with a different life and challenges?
So back to my question if I wasn't facing todays challenges, Who would I be?
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